anything.but.down

We dropped Abbey off (one time) at band camp on Friday night and treated the twins to McDonalds on the way home. After ordering and driving around to the window to pay, the following conversation occurred, completely out of the blue:

Scarlett, with a hint of mild panic: I don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

Us, mildly amused: Oh, I don't think you have anything to worry about just yet. You're only four.

Scarlett: I might be a McDonalds lady.

Us, laughing: Oh ok. But what do you want to be when you really grow up?

Scarlett, very seriously and with no pause: A mermaid.

[C] is for Cambridge

That's Cambridge in England, not anywhere in America or anywhere else. My birthplace and no, I did not go to University there. If I had a dollar for every time I was educated there, I'd be driving a Lamborghini Countach by now.

I was born at the family home in the village of Cherry Hinton, south-east of the city back in 1973 (*cough*).

As with most places in the UK, there's a lot of history. I don't recall much of those first six years of my life there before we moved to pastures new, but I do recall it being a drab place. My most recent trip through there back in 2001 showed that nothing had changed much, except the addition of a multitude of traffic calming measures through the main street. The village is located near the Gog Magog Hills, also known as Giant's Grave, because that's where, legend tells us, that the giants Gog and Magog were buried.

In 1979 we moved to Waterbeach, a village a few miles north-east of the city and a much nicer location for a young, impressionable lad to grow up. As you would read if you followed the link, Waterbeach has quite a history: Links to the Romans, an appearance in the Domesday Book (basically an census performed by William the Conquerer in 1086) and the Knights Templar were based at Denny Abbey.

When Jo and I moved in together we lived on the outskirts of the city for a couple of years. It's funny because I spent 25 years trying to get out of Cambridge, moved to the other side of the world and now I miss it like crazy. It's a slow-paced small city with a crap road system, but it's one of the most beautiful areas in England. If it wasn't for the opportunities we have now in Australia, we'd move back in a the bat of an eyelid.

[C] is for Cambridge United

I'm a sports fan. Any real sports fan likes to experience the pain as well as the pleasure of following their team. Those glory hunting arseholes who follow the team that wins all of the time just really don't understand the true depth of the sport they follow. Australian leagues for sports don't really allow for much failure. You finish bottom of your ladder? Big deal, don't worry, it's ok because you'll get the best draft picks the following year.

I grew up supporting Liverpool as all young lads in England did during the early 80's. My Dad is a Manchester United fan so my love of all things Liverpool didn't go down too well. By the mid 80's I had discovered Cambridge United, my home town team and by the late 80's I was more of a Cambridge fan than a Liverpool fan.

Cambridge are one of those teams that really excel at the pain side of things. They occasionally experience the pleasures as well just before you're about to die an excrutiating death. And we all go back for more the following year to suffer it all again. There are very few years that Cambridge don't go through a promotion or relegation, or something close to either. They always had that uncanny knack of clutching defeat from the jaws of victory like no other team could manage.

They are a team who have no money, got screwed by one of their owners, were relegated from the Football League to non-league football and almost went into liquidation. They are still going and have just reached the play-offs which might propel them back into the Football League. Despite all of their hassles they are known as one of the big giant-killing clubs in English cup football and were just 90 minutes away from reaching the inaugaral English Premier League which would have completed the rise from bottom division to top in three straight years. Something almost unheard of.

Average home attendances when I used to go were around 3,000 people. I've been to grounds with more than 40,000 people and while those atmospheres have been electric there's still nothing like standing on the cold terraces of The Abbey Stadium with a handful of people, freezing your nuts off and going mental at another pass or shot that went astray. It was never pretty stuff, but it was Cambridge United. The Amber Army. My team.

As per usual I have been neglecting my blog with a lack of any happenings in my life. As I've mentioned many times before motivation doesn't come easy to me. Stuff going on at work over the last 2-3 weeks hasn't helped much to say the least.

Anyway, here's what has been happening (and not happening) in my life over the last few weeks.

As mentioned previously, I turned 35 on April 13th. It was a great weekend. On the Friday night our neighbours J & S came over and we picked up some excellent takeaway curry from Gawler, washed down with a few bottles of Cooper's. Saturday was a lazy day and Jo cooked up one of her excellent lasagne's.

On the Sunday the kids came down to our bedroom early in the morning and I opened my cards and presents. When we eventually got up and going, we headed for a drive through the Adelaide Hills down to Hahndorf, an early German settlement with more than a subtle hint of the culture still thriving. We grabbed lunch at The German Arms hotel where I took the opportunity to have a Bavarian Mixed Grill to acclimatise myself before travelling back to Germany with work the following weekend.

After we got back from Hahndorf I headed back out to the city with a mate for a bite to eat at The Lion and then onto the W.A.S.P. gig at Thebarton.

W.A.S.P. were one of the first metal bands I got into in the late 80's. I'd started to turn to the dark side (!) through a couple of Iron Maiden and Bon Jovi tracks that made it into the UK Top 40. My brother was a metalhead too and I managed to copy a few songs from his growing vinyl collection. W.A.S.P. were probably the first band I found out about through my own mates and their 1987 Live ... In The Raw album was always in the cassette deck from the moment I picked up a copy. Around the same time I was just starting to get into Metallica's Master of Puppets album, Def Leppard's Hysteria and not longer after the Gunners Appetite For Destruction.

That Christmas I remember getting the back catalog of W.A.S.P. albums from my family which was quite amusing considering how their "show" was all about blood, women, sex, drugs and rock n' roll. I just missed out on seeing them in London in 1989 on their tour for The Headless Children album (a partly political album and not literally about decapitated kids).

W.A.S.P. were also one of the targets of the American organisation led by Al Gore's wife Tipper, the PMRC - the Parent's Music Resource Centre - who basically try to ban all music that was deemed a little risky. Anything from W.A.S.P.'s Animal (Fuck Like A Beast) to Cyndi Lauper's She Bop, a song about masturbation. Madonna, Sheena Easton & Prince were all targets in the mainstream. The PMRC never actually won, but they were responsible for the "Parental Advisory - Explicit Lyrics" sticker that still appears on CD's today. If anything they failed miserably, succeeding only in promoting metal acts and making the kids want to find out what it was all about. (Read more here).

Anyway, I always ramble when I write about music ... the gig was great. I hadn't seen them since 1993 when they toured to support The Crimson Idol album. This tour in Australia was their first ever and they were celebrating the 15th anniversary of The Crimson Idol, playing the "rock opera" it in it's entirety as had always been intended.

The long weekend just gone was also great. We redecorated the nursery now that the twins are way too old for it. Scarlett has decided to move into Ab's room which is purple and Ab is moving into the old nursery. Of all colours, she chose pink. Hmmm. Surprisingly it wasn't too bad to paint. In fact it was almost a relaxing colour to spread across the walls. We have a couple of things to fix up this week and she should be ready to move in by this coming weekend when the fumes have dispersed.

I hate painting but I love the feeling of achievement after it's complete.

The trip to Germany I mentioned earlier didn't happen because of the problems at work. It was cancelled with a couple of days to spare. Although I was looking forward to it in some ways, I was quite happy to have the last two weekends back to myself rather than spending them travelling.

That's it. I might try and get 'C' complete tomorrow for the A-Z. Emphasis on might.

[C] is for Cats

I've never owned a dog. They don't do much for me. Yeah, they are cute as puppies but they smell, don't clean themselves and it's like have another kid. Cats are more my style and they are far better for photoshopping in kung-fu scenes or as animals who like rock music (see right). Regal, clean and much more intelligent than their canine equivalents. I mean, you wouldn't find a cat retrieving a stick only to have it thrown away again and again. The cat would know that it's owner must not have wanted the stick in the first place ... don't be silly!

Saying that, I'm not one of these bogans who says "death to all dogs/cats" just because they like the other one better. Jeez, that's almost as bad as getting into a conversation with a footy fan over who is better between the Crows or the Power. Pointless really.

Our first family cat was Susie when I was about six. She was a tabby kitten with the most gorgeous golden belly, offspring of a wild cat and feline temper that was obviously gene-based. She was a victim of the deadly cat flu virus when she was about 5. My folks replaced her with another tabby who was named Dusty, because he literally looked like a ball of dust when he was a kitten. He soon grew out of that phase and the name was never appropriate from that point forward. As Mums sometimes get the kids names mixed up, quite often I was referred to as Dusty before being corrected. I knew my place in the household.

These days the folks have a big, fat silver tabby called Remi (named after a football player). This cat has no neck. It's like a chunk of meat with some little podgy legs sticking out it's torso.

We have three cats in our house all of which we rescued from the Animal Welfare League. The first we got within a few weeks of moving in. She's a tortoiseshell named Meg. Technically her name is Megara, named after the sultry-voiced character in Disney's Hercules cartoon, but she goes by Meg most of the time. She's a moody broad, has irritable bowel syndrome and what looks like arthritis in her hind legs. At one stage we were buying protein-free cat biscuits for her at $30 a pop. Then we managed to find a brand that didn't irritate her bowels, so she's happy, we're happy and there's no need for a second mortgage on the house.

In late 2002 we picked up our second cat, Ollie, a semi-long-haired black and white kitten. Full name Oliver Guido. Ollie seemed to suit him and Guido was after a really old black and white cat which we'd seen at the AWL once before. We fell in love with Guido, but he didn't like kids and other cats so it was an instant no-no. Ollie has never been able to meaow properly. It comes out in such a way that he sounds like he's using a voicebox and anyone else would question his sexuality. Hence, he's a poofycat. These days he's trying hard to shake the gay undertones by getting his head covered in scars, etc. But the meaow, or lack thereof, has stayed put.

Earlier this year we picked up Jezebelle, a semi-long-haired 1 year old with beautiful green eyes. Currently she likes to gnaw on any limbs that present themselves as meat, whether the owner is awake or not. She's good fun but goes completely mental for the 20 minutes leading up to using the dirt tray and usually at least 10 minutes afterwards.

So three cats, no dogs. Abbey had two goldfish but they died a slow death. The only other pets have been sea monkeys. If they had hamsters in Australia we'd probably have one or two of them as well, for the entertainment of the cats as much as being kept awake all night by the gnawing of little teeth on bars. There's talk of a beagle one day .... not for a while methinks.

I am 35 as of yesterday. I am now middle-aged. At least it's all downhill from here.

Had a great day. More to come when I feel like it.

[B] is for Boobs

Not to disappoint Amanda, here's an entry for boobies. A long time favourite subject of mine and an entry that was going to be included anyway. I don't think they've had a mention for a few months. No wonder my site stats are down recently. Yes I am a boobs man, but I'm also a leg man, a butt man, a neck man ... heck, let's just say all-over.

There's not much I can say other than anything much more than a handful is waste. Women like Pamela Anderson do nothing for me. If it's fake, it's a waste of silicone.

Boobs. Jugs. Orbs. Elmer Fudds. Bouncing Buddhas. Sweater stretchers. Lung protectors. Beach umbrellas. Frost detectors. Scooby Snacks, Jell-o molds. High-beam lights. Humpty Dumplings. Double lattes. Hooters. Shooters. Holy grails. Flying saucers. Traffic stoppers. Double Whoppers. Pillows. Soft-serve cones. Armadillos. Midget earmuffs. Warming globes. Strobes. Probes. Frontal lobes. Knockers. Honkers. Smurfs. Jogging partners. Bambi's Thumpers. Congo bongos.

I haven't heard of a few of those terms before, so thank Robert Lund who's web site I won't link to as it keeps crashing my browser for some unknown reason. Needless to say he obviously makes a living writing songs about the most critical subjects in today's world.

No matter what you call them, you just cannot beat boobs. Squeezing on the other hand ;-)

So this A-Z thing hasn't been going particularly well considering I started on A almost three months ago. Me, slack? You got it in one.

[B] is for Belinda

So after covering Angelina in [A] I have to continue to make mention of my other perv's in life. Although she's looking a little bit fake and plastic in the last couple of years (hell, she's 50 this year), for a very long time Belinda Carlisle was, in my opinion, the most gorgeous thing to walk the earth. She was all real, had great eyes, perfect cheekbones, fantastic flame-red hair and a rather sultry voice.

While the poppy, made-for-radio tunes were what made her money it was quite often the tracks that were not released as singles that were far better. Her brand of pop, like that of the Stock-Aitken-Waterman factory, disappeared during the grunge period. The artists had to reinvent themselves, as Kylie did with success, or disappear into the woodwork. Like Belinda. In reality she took a break to raise her son and move to rural France. Her most recent album is all in French and I didn't think much of it. I still prefer to think back the late 80's and early 90's when she looked hot and sounded fantastic.

[B] is for Blues

I grew up hearing a lot of guitar music at home, mostly stuff influenced by blues such as Eric Clapton. I followed my brothers lead and got myself into the rock/metal scene from about the age of 13 and developed a love for the sounds of a blues guitar after I heard some Jeff Healey and Stevie Ray Vaughan tracks. While metal doesn't leave much to the imagination (guitar is power, guitar is evil, guitar is LOUD!), blues music defines emotions. When it's a great musician you can feel the emotion in every note played. The guitar player becomes one with their guitar and their song. Anyway, rather than go on about it, I dug out this email I received about ten years ago that tells you all you need to know about the Blues:

HOW TO SING THE BLUES
(attrib. to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky)

1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.

I got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.

Got a good woman
with the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and he weighs about 500 pounds.

4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just a depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

8. The following colors do not belong in the blues: violet, beige, mauve.

9. You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall, the lighting is wrong.

10. Good places for the Blues: the highway, the jailhouse, the empty bed

11. Bad places: Ashrams, Gallery openings, weekend in the Hamptons

12. No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

13. Do you have the right to sing the blues?

Yes, if:
a. your first name is a southern state--like Georgia
b. you're blind. c. you shot a man in Memphis. d. you can't be satisfied.

No, if:
a. you were once blind but now can see.
b. you're deaf.
c. you have a trust fund.

14. Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.

15. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues. Other blues beverages are:

a. wine
b. Irish whiskey
c. muddy water

Blues beverages are NOT:
a. Any mixed drink
b. Any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)

16. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a blues death, if you die during a liposuction treatment.

17. Some Blues names for Women

a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie

18. Some Blues Names for Men

a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Lightning

19. Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

20. Other Blues Names (Starter Kit)

a. Name of Physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Asthmatic)
b. First name (see above) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
c. Last Name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

In a brief comment discussion on how to beat out the frustration from the numbest numb part of your brain with Biscuit the other day she mentioned that she has a Brain Flush playlist on her iPod. I usually have something similar on mine - those songs which can adjust my mood and my thought process in a positive way...

Anyone who reads this blog regularly (haha! shyeah right) will know that I am a metalhead of the pre-grunge era so naturally most of my songs will be from metal bands, but I do have a softer side and there are certain not-so-heavy tracks that can give me clarity and bring me back to the land of the living...

• AC/DC - Heatseeker
• The Almighty - I'm In Love (With Revenge), Destroyed, Move Right In
• Angus & Julia Stone - All Of Me, Mango Tree
• Bernard Fanning - Watch Over Me
• The Darkness - Growing On Me, Is It Just Me?
• Evanescence - My Immortal, Lithium, Bring Me To Life, Cloud Nine
• Girlschool - Race With The Devil
• Guns n' Roses - Sweet Child O'Mine, You're Crazy
• The Jeff Healey Band - See The Light
• Jimi Hendrix - Little Wing
• Magic Dirt - Locket, Watch Out Boys, Plastic Loveless Letters
• Megadeth - Tornado of Souls, Peace Sells, Hangar 18
• Metallica - Fade To Black, Metal Militia, The Four Horsemen
• Mindy Smith - I'm Not The Only One Asking, One Moment More, Come To Jesus
• The Offspring - Spare Me The Details
• Powderfinger - Stumblin', (Baby I've Got You) On My Mind
• The Ramones - The KKK Took My Baby Away, Psycho Therapy
• Red Hot Chili Peppers - On Mercury, Roadtrippin', Californication
• The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
• Shane Nicholson - Designed To Fade
• Slayer - Angel of Death, Skeletons of Society, Dead Skin Mask
• Therapy? - Going Nowhere, Stop It You're Killing Me,
• Thin Lizzy - Chinatown, The Rocker, Bad Reputation
• Tom Petty - Free Fallin'
• Weezer - Hash Pipe
• The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army, Icky Thump
• The Wildhearts - Caffeine Bomb, Bi-Polar Baby, Sick of Drugs

I'm sure I've missed a few. So what tracks do it for you? Consider yourself tagged...

So here's one of them, Sick of Drugs by The Wildhearts. Nothing like a video with a budget of a few pounds.

I changed the name of the site recently and moved it to a new domain, so the search engine logs have been pretty quiet up until this month. The change means a fresh list of search criteria:

• angel dark pornstars
• british bulldogs on australian idol
• bung fritz
• buy hellman's mayonnaise in adelaide
• cameron diaz legs
• cameron diaz porn
• one day we'll live forever but not in our lifetime

Good to see someone else in Adelaide has also searched high and low for Hellman's Mayo. In ten years in Australia, Coles have sold it and stopped selling it twice. The alternative to Hellman's is diabolical, even if there are shelves at the supermarket with thirty different varieties - they all taste like creamy vinegar. Saying that, I no longer need it. As of Thursday I'm down another kilo and on track to reach the first target weight.

Bung Fritz is a search term that is found in the logs every month and I think is a reference to my infamous fight with a takeaway pizza a couple of years ago where I ended up in hospital.

So today is the last day of the four-day holiday weekend. We've taken it pretty easy, got loads of stuff done around the house, spent all day shopping on the Saturday and had a few friends and family members over for some wine, cheese and nibbles (and Easter eggs for the kids) on the Sunday. We seem to do something on the Easter Sunday every year, but we're not religious in the slightest - it just works out to be the best day to fit in a few drinks with the benefit of a recovery day on Easter Monday.

Back to work tomorrow. This week is gearing up to be a very crappy one. Ho hum.

Got this from Biscuit's site who got it from the Manic Monday Meme blog.

Although you can't tell from reading, there was a slight pause when I typed Manic Monday - I think that was a flashback to The Bangles, Susannah Hoffs and those very short skirts. It was great growing up in the 80's.

If you could have any music group or musician play at a party, who would you hire?

It depends entirely on the party. It could be AC/DC or it could be Sheryl Crow, but at this particular time I think it would have to be Angus & Julia Stone. It's hard to explain, but seeing and hearing A & J play transports me to a place where nothing exists but the music. If you love music, you'll know what I mean ... I'm just having trouble explaining it. I've tagged on the clip for their song Wasted below. Ok, so this particular example isn't really party music, but they are great anyway ...

Name three things to be happy about today.

It's Tuesday and that means only two more days unitl the four-day weekend. I finally feel like I'm top of a couple of issues at work. The kids are in bed and it's quiet!

How do you release frustration?

I don't, I hold it in! When it does finally get out I've been known to kick some inanimate objects. I know a printer cabinet at my last work place that still bears the mark/dent of my foot. Shock horror! Who would have thought?? I don't generally lose my cool. I do release frustration through music. There's nothing like pounding out some rock or metal at high volume to release any tension.

You're tagged if you've read this far...