Geek? Me? Never...

I heard the other day that E. Gary Gygax, the creator of RPG (role playing game) Dungeons & Dragons passed away. Before you start hurling abuse at me relating to my possible high-ranking in Geekville (I only scored 10% on the test) I have not played D&D.

Well, not since I was about 12 years old and my brief flirt with the fantasy world ended almost as quickly as it had started.

My brother was a huge D&D fan. He would get together with a few of his mates after school or on weekends and they would create dungeons and beat the crap out of imaginary nasty things with 20-sided dice. This continued even after he left school for a short while. At one point they even had a full-scale war with Orcs, Elves and whatever other monsters they could conjure up.

He used to read the fantasy adventure books where you could choose your own storyline. If you don't remember these, they were the books that had a question at the end of every page. For example, if you wanted to attempt to slay the big, red, nasty dragon with a spatula and a stick of celery turn to page 89 or alternatively if you wanted to dress up as a damsel in distress and run like buggery, turn to page 78.

My brother had invited me to join in one day (probably when his mates were busy) and we created a new character for me. I named him Landon after the character in the adventure book of his that I had been reading. He was an Elf and in my mind he looked somewhat like a taller version of the boy Elfling in The Dark Crystal. We set him up with his standard characteristics like strength, charisma, etc. I had my first (and my last) D&D character. And he was cool. (C'mon, an adolescent kid getting the opportunity to chat up naked deities would appeal to any male kid of that age?!).

So, over the space of a few weeks we did play a few simple dungeons and my character gradually built up from a little weakling into a slightly larger one. He collected gold, he killed nasty Orcs and learned a few magic spells that could get him out of some sticky spots. Unfortunately he didn't learn quite enough.

Somewhere along the line my brother and I must have had an argument about something. I came home from playing football one day to find out that my hero, Landon, had been playing without me. He'd gone on a quest with my brother's characters and got himself into one of those sticky spots that couldn't be unstuck.

I was mortified to find out that Landon had been banished to hell. Could he get out? Apparently, to do this, he would have to challenge Beezelbub. The devil himself. In real life I guess Landon would have to hire a nuclear arsenal, some holy water and maybe a few sticks of celery to beat the crap out of Mr. Evil. In D&D terms all he needed to do was roll a 20 on a 20-sided dice. Not once, not twice, but 20 consecutive times. This dude was utterly fucked! Landon would rot in hell for eternity. No more naked dieties or love-starved fairies for him.

In hindsight it was obviously a set up. At the time I couldn't see that.

On that day my brief flirt with 100% Geekiness died forever. I still cringe when I see 20-sided dice.

Give me a game of Perudo with standard dice any day.